Thursday, February 7, 2013

The Ridge
 
         This may sound odd, but when I went to the Ridge I actually enjoyed being there. Now you're probably like, what is the Ridge? Well it's a behavioral health hospital that helps to treat things such as depression, anger issues, and self harm. I went there this past summer and ended up staying as an inpatient for almost two weeks. When my parents first told me they were taking me there I freaked out because I didn't want to go to a mental hospital. ALOT happened while I was there and it seemed to last forever, but once I was leaving I didn't wanna go. I made lots of friends there and got better.
 
      When I got off the bus after school one day last December it was just like any other day until I walked into my house. My mom told me to grab a snack and get in the car so I grabbed a slice of pizza and got in the car. My mom and dad also got in the car which was odd because it was almost time for my dad to go to work so I asked why he was going with us. He told me that he was going into work late. I asked where we were going and my mom said she would tell me when I finished my snack so I ate really fast and asked again. After a few minutes of beggeing her to tell me she finally told me. I was devastated and mad because they said were taking me to a mental hospital. Once we pulled in the parking lot my mom went to check me in to get an asessment and my dad was trying to get me to get out of the car. He literally had to drag me out of the car and into the building. Once we sat down in the waiting room and waited for awhile they called me back to the asessment room. The therapist took us back there and started asking me and my parents questions. I wouldn't answer her while they were in the room so she asked them to wait outside so she could talk to me. She asked me alot of questions and I answered most of them truthfully which I soon found out was a bad idea. She called my parents back in the room and told them it would be safer for me to stay there for awhile as an inpatient for treatment. I then started crying because everything suddenly became so real to me. I knew I needed help but I didn't want it. My parents said they would go to the car and get my clothes and I got really mad because they told me I was just getting asessed and that I wouldn't be staying. Knowing that they had packed clothes just astonished me. I sat there and I heard someone screaming and that really freaked me out. My parents came back with my clothes and a nurse came in to take me to get inspected.

     What happened after that was just horrific... They strip searched me and I almost died of embarrassment. They make you take off every single piece of clothing and then ask if you have any medical conditions. After that was over they took me over to the room with all the other kids and they all introduced themselves and said why they were there. Then they all asked why I was there so I introduced myself and told them why I was there. After that it was time to go to our rooms and I then met my roommate Brittany. She was about to turn 18 and she was really nice. She told me about what we do there and that it was actually kind of fun. She really made me feel better about being there. After we talked for awhile it was lights out so we went to sleep. The nurse came in around 5 am to get me to take my blood, and surprisingly it didn't even hurt. Then I went back to bed and then we got up at eight to eat breakfast and since it was my first day I had to eat in the day room with all of the other new kids. We pretty much just sat and ate in silence until we were done and then put our trays up. Soon after that or doctors/therapists came to get us and asked each of us some questions in private. The day went on and we watched tv, had group session where we all sit together and talk about our feelings, had lunch and dinner, and went to bed at ten.

 The second day was better because I got to go to the cafeteria for all the meals and I got to go to gym and art. I loved gym because we got to play dodgeball and play wii. Art was cool too because we could draw and paint or do whatever we wanted. Even going to the cafeteria was fun because we sat and talked to eachother and made friends. My entire 8 days there pretty much went that way because we were on the same schedule everyday except the weekends which were boring because we didn't do much. I made lots of friends and we all traded numbers and facebooks. The therapists and doctors were really supportive and tried to help us with anything we needed. It is definitely a great place, but honestly you don't want to end up there because that means you have mental health issues like me...

  Overall I had fun there but at the same time I didn't like it because it made everything seem more real to me and it really brought me in for a reality check. All those months I spent crying, I could've just told someone. I know I'll never forget being there, or any of the friends I met. Everything I learned there will always be with me and I'll learn to use it. This is something I will never forget.

Wednesday, February 6, 2013

Falling, My original song.

Falling

I've trekked so long and gotten so far, just to fall down again...
I've done so much but it's not enough, I just can't seem to win.
Where were you when I needed you? When I fell to the ground.
How can I trust that you'll catch me this time? Or will you just listen to the sound?
Im falling, Im falling, Im falling
Please catch me, don't let me fall. 
I'm calling, I'm calling, I'm calling.
Why won't you answer me now?
Why can't you atleast pretend to care?
Instead you just breath in the air..
Of regret, of sadness, for not leaving me yet.
I'm hanging from a thread, I don't know how much longer I'll last..
I just can't seem to let go of the past.